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Frenchie in Halifax OR What to do when asked to be bold

December 5, 2014

2014-12-01 16.43.31

 

I’m growing.

I’ve been growing.

 

Spend two weeks in Halifax running hip-hop inspired workshops on spoken word with UNITY charity. It was quite the trip. Went to 4 high schools, featured in a Youth Poetry Slam, performed, freestyled writing exercises at the community hub and danced my Frenchie moves at a club to some dope beatboxing (by Canada’s Top 4 Beatboxer from Halifax, Brandon “Haste” Taylor). It was wild, but it was also a time of intense growth. Like a lot of churning was going on inside of me.

I’ve been asked to be bold. Not by anyone in particular but by encounters with people, with situations that have come up, with moments when there’s really no other choice. I have to be bold and speak up, and be courageous but it’s also ok to take care and just be me. Often I want to just carve a corner for myself. Go out occasionally, do my work, chat and have comfortable conversations and then retreat into my self-proclaimed introvert’s paradise.

But now I’ve been asked to be bold.

My energy is one of the first things people comment about me. Let’s take a moment, Frenchie, to reflect how much energy I invest into self.

Hmm…

More than before. Before I also gave everyone my everything all the time. Self-care was something that entitled hippies do.

But not as much as I give to others. It’s still super un-balanced. An on-going saga to be good to myself, to say no to people, to express anger in real time, to stand up for myself, to calmly (or not so calmly) tell those who steal energy from me to piss off.

It’s all learning. It’s all technique. It’s all good to be perfectly imperfect. Or imperfectly perfect. For now, I’ll continue to listen to others, offer compassion but also listen to myself, my intuition, offer compassion to me. I’ll massage out the kinks of my doubts. And take a bow for the progress so far. I deserve to be loved with the same capacity and zeal in which I love others.

That’s some real shit.

That’s some real growth.

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